He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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