O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
