you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
this is an emotional support booty call
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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