PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize