bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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