all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
