so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
