I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
