can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
