Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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