whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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