Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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