Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
