omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
