My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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