at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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