I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Randomize
