Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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