May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize