someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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