Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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