no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There's always time for handjobs
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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