i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
