We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
