my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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