duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
