Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
