I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
