Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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