dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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