I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize