She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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