So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
