But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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