Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
