Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
