my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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