she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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