At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
