SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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