But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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