ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
