so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
