I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize