i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
