I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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