Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
