is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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