You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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