I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
