just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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