You work out of a Hotel?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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