I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize