I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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