there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
