i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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