The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
