I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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