i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
