I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
