Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
