Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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