just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
