Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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