I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
