Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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