I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize