Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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