why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize