They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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