I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
that's an acceptable place to lick
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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