I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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