you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
