Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
