When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
