Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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