I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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