no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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