Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize