I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
