it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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