But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
