the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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