So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
