Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
