you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize