I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
