sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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