Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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