Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you will always have a special place in my vag
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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