Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
