New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
