Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
