Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
