I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
