Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
