If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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