Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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