dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
